Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
