Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize