Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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