hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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