after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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