So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
