Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
