my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
