i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
