I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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