I feel great
I just peed on a car
i will never coherently bang her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
