You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
