I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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