I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
