the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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