just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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