Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
