Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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