if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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