I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
