You're my little dorito
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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