if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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