Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
