Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize