How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize