My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
