is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
