sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
