i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
