I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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