Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
