Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
