apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
