This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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