Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
