I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
