So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
