I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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