you guys were way drunker than both of me
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
