Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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