just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
