If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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