it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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