I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
