His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
