im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize