Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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