dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
