He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
