You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
