Buhtt sex?
We got so high we made milksteak
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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