every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
