I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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