New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
