you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
