remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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