God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
