btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
