I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
