She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
