but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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