hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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