how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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