Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
