So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
