Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
