apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
