chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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