What did we do last night that was yellow?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize