Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
