Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
