seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
