at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
