I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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