Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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