Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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