I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this boner is exhausting
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
