Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
