ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
