i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
