Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
