Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
