I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
