woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
