Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
