I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
