i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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