the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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