dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
