dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
