I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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