So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
