we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
