It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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