I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
