I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
