We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
