I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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