No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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