he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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