What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
