My first STD was from a foam party
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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