Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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