We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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