if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
